Mr. Neil (mister_neil) wrote in endcreationism,
Mr. Neil

The Christian Comfort Zone

Hey gang! I'm back again for a rare post. I encountered the blog of fundamentalist Christian and creationist moron Ray Comfort, which is called Atheist Central. Prominently on the front page, you will find a Letterman-style top ten list of supposedly poor atheist responses called "The Atheist Starter Kit". It's basically Comfort whining about all of the counter-arguments that atheists have confronted with, and ironically, the list commits nearly all of the fallacies it gripes about.

I've constructed my own little rebuttal, which I'm going to dub, "The Christian Comfort Zone". These are things that fundamentalist Christians are allowed to do to feel safe and secure in their little belief system. Whatever makes them feel good. In small text is Comfort's original nonsense. Here goes...

1. Whenever you are presented with credible evidence for God's existence, call it a "straw man argument," or "circular reasoning." If something is quoted from somewhere, label it "quote mining."

Christian Comfort Zone #1:
Pretend that all of your arguments are reasonable. Merely saying that you have a sound argument is argument enough. Ignore all that stuff about fallacies. Fallacies schmallacies! If you quote something from somewhere, don't bother making sure you understand the context.

2. When a Christian says that creation proves that there is a Creator, dismiss such common sense by saying "That's just the old watchmaker argument."

Christian Comfort Zone #2:
Don't bother constructing an argument that actually supports design. Poorly constructed analogies between living and non-living things will do. And if design argument deconstructions persist, just throw a hissy fit. That always works.

3. When you hear that you have everything to gain and nothing to lose (the pleasures of Heaven, and the endurance of Hell) by obeying the Gospel, say "That's just the old 'Pascal wager.'"

Christian Comfort Zone #3:
On Judgment Day, be sure to tell Jesus that you believed in him because he was the safe bet. I'm sure that's exactly the sort of faith that the Lord and Savior of humanity wants from his people. In fact, just ignore that betting is a sin, altogether. Put all your chips on Jesus and scream, "Hit me!" Don't duck.

4. You can also deal with the "whoever looks on a woman to lust for her, has committed adultery with her already in his heart," by saying that there is no evidence that Jesus existed. None.

Christian Comfort Zone #4:
Be sure to put the confidence you have in your faith into ludicrous speed overdrive. Anticipate the most vapid response an atheist could make and assure yourself, "There's no WAY he could make a better counter-argument than THAT!". You've got it made in the shade. Relax. Atheists are dumb.

5. Believe that the Bible is full of mistakes, and actually says things like the world is flat. Do not read it for yourself. That is a big mistake. Instead, read, believe, and imitate Richard Dawkins. Learn and practice the use of big words. "Megalo-maniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully" is a good phrase to learn.

Christian Comfort Zone #5:
Pretend that the plain text of the Bible doesn't actually say what it appears to be saying. When God appears to be commanding genocide, there are easy interpretive ways of pretending that it doesn't. And pretending is as good as believing. God is so good!

6. Say that you were once a genuine Christian, and that you found it to be false. (The cool thing about being an atheist is that you can lie through your teeth, because you believe that are no moral absolutes.) Additionally, if a Christian points out that this is impossible (simply due to the very definition of Christianity as one who knows the Lord), just reply "That's the 'no true Scotsman fallacy.'" PLEASE NOTE: It cannot be overly emphasized how learning and using these little phrases can help you feel secure in dismissing common sense.

Christian Comfort Zone #6:
Be sure to point out the fallacy that you're using immediately after using it. If you can beat the atheist to the punch, then what can he possibly say?! Nothing!

7. Believe that nothing is 100% certain, except the theory of Darwinian evolution. Do not question it. Believe with all of your heart that there is credible scientific evidence for species-to-species transitional forms. When you make any argument, pat yourself on the back by concluding with "Man, are you busted!" That will make you feel good about yourself.

Christian Comfort Zone #7:
Be sure to throw out a red herring that has nothing to do with atheism. Surely, there can't be any Christian that accept evolution as a scientifically valid phenomenon. Absolutely none!

8. Deal with the threat of eternal punishment by saying that you don't believe in the existence of Hell. Then convince yourself that because you don't believe in something, it therefore doesn't exist. Don't follow that logic onto a railway line and an oncoming train.

Christian Comfort Zone #8:
Your imagined threat is the real one. Ignore the fact that you have no way of knowing that you won't be punished by any other imagined being and immediately dismiss any that are presented to you. You don't need to explain why. Ignore the irony of immediately dismissing other empty threats out of hand. You're a Christian, and "Christian" is a synonym for "right".

9. Blame Christianity for the atrocities of the Roman Catholic church--when it tortured Christians through the Spanish Inquisition, imprisoned Galileo for his beliefs, or when it murdered Moslems in the Crusades.

Christian Comfort Zone #9:
Ignore other sects of Christianity that were merely following scripture to the letter. Pretend that the scripture doesn't supports such lunacy as geocentrism for which Galileo was imprisoned. Ignore the wholesale endorsement for cruelty that's in the Bible. In fact, just bluff your way through the entire argument. It's not like atheists can read a old Hebrew. God has blessed all lexicons so that only TrueChristians™ can use them.

10. Finally, keep in fellowship with other like-minded atheists who believe as you believe, and encourage each other in your beliefs. Build up your faith. Never doubt for a moment. Remember, the key to atheism is to be unreasonable. Fall back on that when you feel threatened. Think shallow, and keep telling yourself that you are intelligent. Remember, an atheist is someone who pretends there is no God.

Christian Comfort Zone #10:
Don't be afraid of being ironic.

(Editorial Note: One thing I didn't elaborate upon is that in #6, Ray Comfort shows that he doesn't understand that the "no true Scotsman" is a post hoc fallacy. In other words, you're definitely a Christian as long as you profess faith in Jesus. If you leave the church, however, the criteria by which you are judged to be a Christian completely changes. Rather convenient, isn't it, Ray?)

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